At a strategy meeting for the Committee to Re-elect President obama, better known as CREEPo, the following members of the team are in attendance: barack hussain obama, valerie jarrett, david axelrod, joe biden and jacob kew, the latest chief of staff after the firing of Chicago’s daley.
President: How we doin with the folks out there? I sure do have concerns about my prospects with all the doom and gloom the Republicans are projecting.
Jarrett: You should. We all have done a lousy job with the economy, energy, foreign,domestic policies and job creation.
President: What do you mean. I created 2 million jobs.
Biden: No Barack Hussein, that’s what we tell the fools that put us in office. You haven’t created anything except divisiveness along racial and political grounds.
Alexrod: He is correct. I was listening to Limbaugh and he said that ignorance can make a difference. Clearly he was right. We are here in this cushy job because of all of the idiots who voted us in, don’t read anything but the liberal papers and watch our pre-screened local news. So keep em stupid and we’ll wreak havoc for four more years.
President: I invented the Volt. I killed osama. I gave tax payer money to Green stuff. I assured those annoying environmentalists that no pipeline was going to kill one more weed.
Biden: You no more invented the Volt than fat al gore invented the internet or global warming. Actually, he did invent global warming. The Seals killed bin laden after you were pushed to act. And might I remind you of Solyndra and all of the other failed green crap we have been promoting. Thanks to you, with no expected pipeline or drilling here, gas prices could reach $5.00 per gallon and that will really piss the FOLKS off.
Kew: This is my first meeting with you all, so you had better fill me in so I don’t make another gaff like I did about needing 60 votes in the Senate to pass the budget.
Biden: No one who will vote for us will know the difference. They don’t watch the real news on Fox.
Jarrett: But he screwed up on the mother load, NBC, ABC and CBS.
President: No problem. We’ll have the two georgys talk to Brock at media matters. He’s already….”
Jarett: That’s hush! hush………..
Kew: I see you have a copy of Mein Kampf here on your desk. May I ask why?
Jarrett: That reminds me, Jack, is Jack Kew your real name?
Kew: It’s Jacob Kew. As far as I know Kew is correct.
Biden: Axelrod, I meant to ask you………….
Axelrod: I am Episcopalian!
President: Forget that for now. I wake up every morning and try to keep positive, look in the mirror and say, “barack Hussein, you are the greatest”.
Biden: Ali was the greatest But he also had more than one surname or given name.
Jarrett: Mind your mouth joe. Oh and how is that new sensitivity training working out?
Biden: Effen A!
President: Down to business now. How do you think America is taking to my contraception proposal?
Biden: The Catholics hate it. The Jews hate it and Christians in general think you are treading on the First Constitutional Amendment.
President: Hold on now. They all can’t hate it. Look at all the folks, some even with white coats stranding behind me applauding my speech. And I did teach Constitutional Law at the University. Excellent course that took a half a day to teach.
Jarrett: Half a day was too much. The back up zombies are paid well to do so. Soon we will be able to convince even Joe the Plumber to stand behind you and applaud. Just like the North Koreans at the funeral of the “glorious leader.” Might be best to cool it with white coat guys. You never know.
President: I am the supreme leader and dear father.
Kew: That reminds me, Mr. President, the Dear Mother has created another issue regarding what school children may eat. I have a child in Day Care and now I must send a specific lunch for my child or he could go hungry.
President: That’s all for show Jacob. Even here at the White House the dear Mrs. and I eat all the crap we want. All we want to do is control just another part of the folk’s lives. Bring the kid over here. We’re having pizza, burgers, fries milk shakes and wings tonight.
Axelrod: Let’s talk about contraception. We must convince the folks that the Republicans are against apple pie, motherhood, and woman’s rights. We do that and we are home free. Don’t defend our trampling of the Constitution.
Kew: But we could lose all of the religious groups.
Axelrod: I am working on a solution for that.
President: How’s my budget doing in Congress?
Biden: They have not stopped laughing. We had to order a new supply of Depends for the older guys.
Axelrod: Reid won’t bring it up, so we can blame it on the Republicans. That was our plan anyway.
President: What is your take on the candidates the Republicans have thrown up?
Jarrett: Actually, I throw up every time I think about it. Any of them could beat your ass in November.
President: Even with (whispers) Acorn, New Black Panthers. illegal aliens and multi-precinct voting?
Axelrod: The way I see it impeachment might be the kinder way to go.
Biden: I know all about this stuff so, let me have a go. You, Mr. President are a good speaker at least with teleprompters. Romney has business experience, leadership experience, turned the Olympics around, tells the truth and will not be hurt by so-called Romney Care. Santorum has leadership experience, more years in the Senate than you, speaks well without prompts and tells the truth.Gingrich is smarter than you, has written more books than you, is a real historian and has true professorial experience and tells the truth. Ron Paul has great knowledge of foreign and domestic policy, knows more about health care than you do, and tells it like it is, oh and tells the truth. AND, they all were born in the U.S.
Jarrett: Joe you must go back to rehab.
Biden: I ran out of days on my health plan.
Jarrett: We’ll get you a waiver. Mr. President, you look upset.
President: We are up sh…t’s creek!
Axelrod: Without a paddle, Mr. President, without a paddle. Unless, that is, you write an Executive order to provide FREE PADDLES for everyone.